Afraid to be Alone
by branmuffin
Summary: A songfic to a song by Staind. Satoshi thinks about his destiny and his love. Yaoi and Slash.


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Afraid to be Alone _to Home by Staind_

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A D.N. Angel Songfic

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I force myself through another day

Can't explain the way

Today just fell apart like everything

Right in my face

And I try to be the one

I can't except this all

Because of you I've had to walk away from everything

I watch you like a hawk. What can I do about it, Niwa-kun? This destiny that pulls up together yet pulls us apart. I wish I didn't have to do this, that I could pass this fate to somebody else. Then I could love you like I want. Not silently in the background fighting off the seducer within me who shares his every thought with me. I could be someone else living a normal life… but your here and your counterpart, which I must eliminate…but I fail for you… fail miserably because of you.

And I'm afraid to be alone

Afraid you'll leave me when I'm gone

And I'm afraid to come back home

I can't take this. Daisuke…you're so lucky. You have no idea how much it pains me to see you with that girl, how much it pains me to know that I don't have anyone who will tell me they love me. Home for me holds nothing… I don't want to leave school because at least I can see you. But now I stand in the rain, softly whispering your name. My hand falls from its position to ring the doorbell to your estate… I can't stay here but I don't want to go home. 

Another sleepless night again

Hotel rooms my only friend

And friends like that just don't add up to anything

And I try so hard to be everything

That I should never take away from you again

'Cause I heard you say

I must dream when I sleep…I don't dream often. Your face always in my head, the only thing I do is toss at night. I bury my head into my pillow and clench my teeth and my blurry eyes shut so to fight back the tears. I'm not supposed to feel so sad Niwa-kun…I'm cold and heartless, I'm supposed to be as hard a stone and you've ruined it. You…because you beautiful and kind and timid and shy and just…wonderful. You're everything I've ever wanted to be and more… The hard pillow soaks my tears as a command my body to relax.

That I'm afraid to be alone

Afraid you'll leave me when I'm gone

And I'm afraid to come back home

I can't keep them back! Oh Daisuke! My tears slide down the pillow and fall to the hard wood floor below. I'm so alone…and you remind me of that fact. Krad takes advantage of every vulnerability in me to take over and I'm not sure now if it's even worth the battle. I silently slip away into my sorrow and the tears are completely internal as Krad hunts for Dark the millionth time. Niwa-kun…save me…please.

I cannot forget

I live with regret

I cannot forgive

I live with

Is it fate that I must hunt you down and kill Dark? Am I honor bound? Why? Hatred is always more powerful love… I keep forgetting. I keep forgetting my duty to my family name for your sake Daisuke. There is a war within me because of what you are, within my cold and torn heart. I never asked for this, but I'm sure you didn't either…

I live through this

I can't see through this

I can't do this anymore

I'm sick of dreaming! I don't want to love you if it hurts so much but I do! If I sacrifice my mission my point in the scheme of life become merely that of a confused schoolboy. Daisuke! If only once could I hold you! If only once I could touch your lips and say the three words never said to me! If only…if only…you would love me Daisuke… this sacrifice of mine would be worth any punishment in my afterlife. 

'Cause I'm afraid to be alone

Afraid you'll leave me when I'm gone

And I'm afraid to come back home

Afraid you'll leave me when I'm gone

I just push what was back home…home…

But still I walk down the street when it's raining to whisper your name and stand at your doorstep. Still my hand trembles near the knocker before it falls defeated at my side. Still I cry a sleepless night dreaming of your face, your happiness and my sorrow. Once more do I struggle with the questions of my destiny… Forever will I be here… forever will I love you… forever will I never have you. I dream my life away.

-branmuffin


End file.
